west elm wish list

soft braided baskets, owl sugar shaker, water color pillow, table lamp

iznik rug, striped duvet and shams

if you so desire, go here, then ask for my shipping address.

sequins

gotta love a little glitz.

(tory burch top, urban outfitters shorts, marc jacobs scarf, jcrew bracelet, stella mccartney sweater, modcloth cardigan, yeojin bae dress)

Brandon

I knew I would eventually write about this after receiving a certain text message at 8:28 Friday morning. Whether I was going to publish it for the world to see was something I thought long and hard about until 12:56 Tuesday night.

Two things came into my mind regarding my documentation of these last five days.

One, it had to be perfect. The subject deserved nothing less. I’ve never been one to rashly flip open my journal and scribble down thoughts on an important event. I had to approach it the right way. After years of asking my older sister, “Will you just write the first sentence of the paper for me? I promise after that, I’ll be set!” I understood that I had to organize my thoughts, wrestle with the facts, and create an approach that felt natural. These things combined, could cause this small tribute to be a piece I’d cherish forever.

The second thing on my mind was whether or not I’d hide it in my journal or toss it into cyberspace. I’ve always felt uneasy when writing about my feelings in the midst of other people’s tragedies. It feels selfish. But after twelve years of journaling, I’ve come to see writing as therapy. And after reading a friend’s blog at 12:56 last night, I learned that reading others’ accounts of your same experiences can be equally remedial.

In this midst of administering my own healing, I hope that this could be similarly therapeutic to you, or that the testimony reflected and remembered here could spur you on towards something incredible.

I first met Brandon at his old house on Roberts Cemetery Road in Tomball, Texas. I have no idea what we were there for. I just remember our moms talking, a Christmas tree, and bunk beds. I was probably six. I remember Riley and him being in the same class at Rosehill Christian School – Ms. Baker was their teacher. I vaguely remembering their family moving away, but the times after they returned to Tomball are the ones I remember best.

We ran in the same crowd throughout junior high and high school, and while we never went to school together, the friendships of the families raised at Tomball Bible Church were the most cherished relationships of all.

The three years of high school I spent in Tomball were some of the sweetest times of my life. Friendships rooted in family, faith, and our unspoken bond of being brought up in the same town and church. The memories made with Caidee, Sarah, Brandon and Jordan are ones I’ve reflected on a lot these past five days. Their friendships meant, and still mean, the world to me.

While the memories I have with Brandon are innumerable, I have been recently overcome with a few specifics.

First, was a retreat Sarah, Jordan, Brandon and I were asked to go on in high school. I want to say it was in Houston and over a weekend, but the details escape me. We went to Olive Garden for lunch one day and Brandon, Sarah and I thought it would make sense to shove some free breadsticks in my purse for later. I have pictures from later that evening of the bottom of my purse filled with breadsticks and several pictures of Brandon doing standing back flips in the grass waiting to go back inside the conference.

Another is Thanksgiving Day my junior year in high school. We all met up at Brandon’s house and went four-wheeling, roasted marshmallows, and later went upstairs where Brandon played the guitar. I had recently learned of the possibility of my family moving to College Station and remember purposefully soaking up the time I was having with such incredible friends.

The memory that I feel like most accurately describes the Brandon I knew was late one night in Sarah’s driveway. I’m not sure how we ended up there, but it was just the three laying in her driveway staring at the stars as Brandon stated facts, asked us questions, and revealed his theories. I remember feeling completely inadequate to participate in the conversation, trying hard to keep up, knowing that what he was saying deserved thought and understanding.

Last are the times we had together at Texas A&M. That first semester of freshman year we kept up very well. I remember one night we stayed up so late talking in the Commons Lobby that banging on my locked dorm room door for what seemed like 30 minutes resulted in Brandon volunteering to sleep on his floor so I could have a bed.

Auguest 2009. I was in the Chi Omega house doing the monotonous and silly things sorority girls do during that time, so aptly named “work week” when my mom called.

Missed call. Voicemail. Text. “hey Hill, call me.” Missed call.

“Hill, your phone is going off.”

Grabbing it, I made my way from the back of the chapter room to the side door leading to the back staircase. Dodging girls sitting in Crazy Creek chairs, chanting girls’ names, braiding each other’s hair, and playing iPhone games.

“Mom, hey what’s up?” Calm. She probably was seeing if she could drop off a slew of diet lemonade from Chick-Fil-A for all my roommates and me.

“Hill, I have some bad news."

I don’t remember exactly how she said it. I just remember sitting on the stairs hearing the words “Hodgkin’s Lymphoma”, Brandon’s name and feeling the need to feel something – anything – other than the shock that was taking me over.

Treatments began. Texts were sent. Prayers were prayed. Prayers were pled.

I was shocked when he stayed at A&M through treatments. Shocked when he transferred to Rice to be closer to treatments, but still wanting to stay in school. Shocked when I learned he was still exercising. Running the halls with his IV poll.

But that initial shock would fade after remembering that it was Brandon. Stubborn, willful, hardworking, brilliant and strong.

Fast-forward to December 2010. Caidee and Jordan married on December 19. Brandon’s absence due to failing lungs was felt the entire weekend. Special tributes and prayers were said throughout the rehearsal dinner and wedding ceremony.

What a special time and place to be praying for a miracle. There was neither lack of celebration for the newlyweds, or lack of gut wrenching, honest, pleads to God to save a life with the tiniest chance of survival. What an incredible time.

Days later, our prayers were answered and Brandon was responding, smiling, and giving his nurses as much trouble as he could. What a blessing it was to step off the elevator of Methodist Hospital and learn that his intubation tube had been removed just moments before.

He had just fallen asleep when I got there, so I wasn’t able to talk to him. But notes were left, prayers were prayed and the atmosphere was encouraging.

Thursday, January 6 Caring Bridge informed me that due to his recently collapsed lung, he chose to be made comfortable and would soon pass away.

8:28 Friday morning I woke up to a text message from Caidee.

“Sweet Brandon is with Jesus now.”

I can’t really explain how I felt. As sensitive a person as I am, I didn’t cry. I just laid in bed with a feeling in my stomach and chest I knew I’d never felt before. I think my initial thought was genuine shock, rather than a pain and sadness.

I honestly didn’t think Brandon was going to die. It wasn’t naivety – after growing up spending Christmas with strangers on the Bone Marrow Transplant floor and a mother directing a non-profit for these patients, I knew the risks and treatments associated with cancer. It wasn’t a blindness in my faith, that God simply wouldn’t allow such a thing to happen – not a month goes by that my mom doesn’t inform me of another young, fighter-of-a-child passing away after a rough round of chemo, a bone marrow transplant that just “didn’t take”, or a body so torn up and worn down from the drugs being pumped in to their body it was just too much.

I can’t explain why I didn’t think he was going to die because I don’t know. In a recent note I wrote him, I expressed my excitement for the testimony he was building in that ICU room to use later down the road. I never figured that his testimony would be told by his family members and close friends days later at his memorial service.

They described him just like I described that late night on Sarah’s driveway. Constantly searching for answers. Wanting to understand the depths of his faith. Not accepting answers that almost every Christian takes as fact, but looking at and dissecting it from all angles. And not simply analyzing, but going so far as to try and prove that god doesn’t exist.

I remember the times we would have these deep conversations and his questions and observations really scaring me. I didn’t want to think about the what-ifs. Brandon’s methods caused me to examine my faith like nobody ever had before. And yesterday’s reflections of his search for the truth motivated me to search for the things that I am so often tempted to ignore.

Brandon’s search for God’s existence was reconciled days before he passed away when he made peace with his Heavenly Father. His return to faith was captured so perfectly in a story his mom told yesterday, describing his love for the piano and the hymn Come Thou Fount –

Let thy goodness, like a fetter,

bind my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

prone to leave the God I love;

here's my heart, O take and seal it,

seal it for thy courts above.

With such incredible stories and deep focus on Brandon’s search for faith, a sigh a relief and sense of true celebration came over the room when the last person got on stage to speak. Immediately declaring his sense that we were in the presence of the Almighty King and standing on holy ground, he spoke of the true pain Brandon’s family, and all of us would feel during those quiet times.

Tears streamed down and literal shouts of celebration were heard when he stated: “The god he strove so hard to deny, he is now delighting in.” What a peace we may now rest in.

Love and miss you already, B-rad.

christmas-zilla

it may be that this is my first christmas as an only child (big sis is at in-laws, little sis in ireland with a friend) or that it's my last christmas being had during a month-long break (crossing fingers i'll have a job by may!), but my sentimentality has kicked in to high gear.

i've always been THE BIGGEST sucker for christmas as far as the anderson house goes. i think it all started with my moms incredible knack for decorating and the holidays, but somewhere between purchasing a christmas tree for my own room at age 9 and crying when we opened our new pajamas on december 23rd rather then the 24th eleven years later, i became christmas-zilla.

i reign queen so heavily during this -- what i think should be -- month long holiday, that while centering the garland and lights just perfecting above the front door i directed my ex-interior decoratoring mother towards the scissors in the kitchen only to hear her whisper "look at the monster i've created" into my dad's ear.

with a subject line of christmas-zilla and phrases like "i reign queen so heavily" you may be thinking i run around like a terror in a santa hat. honestly, i think ive just adopted that same knack and passion for design, christmas, and interior decorating that my mom has -- and cranked it up a few notches with the hope that my home can look half as good as hers one day. she makes driving the 8 minutes to get home from college feel like the 4 hour drive most of my friends take -- well worth it, homey, and ready for the family to settle down for White Christmas for the thousandth time or for a christmas puzzle.

thanks mom, i couldn't be happier with being home.

the key to your files

check out this adorable USB.

i've always found it extremely dorky to have a USB on a keyring, but where else are you to put such a tiny thing and have it close by when needed?

enter: the USB key.

a great stocking stuffer, i must say!

pre-fall navy blues

navy blue. my absolute favorite color.

i remember going shopping with my mom in junior high and she would forewarn me before making the 45 minute drive to a decent shopping mall that i wasn't allowed to buy any navy on this trip, after taking into account its domination of my wardrobe.

some things never change. after stalking style.com for hours and pulling looks from it, i noticed that a good amount had navy blue. below are a few of my favorite pre-fall collections featuring this nautical color.

philip lim 3.1

tory burch

rag & bone

enjoy more pre-fall collections here.

"hello from texas...suckas"

was the subject line of the email that Katie and i sent to kyra and grant from dinner tonight. how lucky i am that her family lives in Bryan and i get to see her over the holidays.

two hours of catching up at pei wei made me miss summer. two months until the summer 2010 crew reunites in the city!

leavin' on a jet plane

i have been missing the big apple so much that i bought a plane ticket and am heading back for a visit in february. skipping a weeks worth of class to visit friends and see NYC in the winter -- a first for me!

i can't wait to hit up some of my favorite spots.

towels

hello again. i'm going to keep ignoring the fact that i'm not very consistent with this thing anymore and pretend that i am.

whenever i miss new york, which is often, i often find myself googling anything to do with New York, looking at the menu of The Standard, looking up plane tickets, or finding things to buy that have to do with New York. tonight, i found these:

tea towels that etsy storeowner girlscantell designed. these are handprinted towels with her drawing of the brooklyn bridge that includes fun facts and details.

she also draws other diagrams -- like hamburgers, robots, and even a towel for beer lovers.

very good gift idea if i do say so myself.

nymag street style

a few looks im loving from nymag's street style posted on friday.

layers, leather, navy blue, tights, military style, and frilly skirts and thick sweaters. so far winter 2010 is looking good.

wedding bells

in late august, my best friend from tomball -- caidee -- got engaged to her high school sweetheart and a close friend of mine, jordan. their relationship is just the sweetest thing and i couldnt be happier for the two of them! true love, i tell you! the engagement party was in austin and such a fun time to be reunited with high school friends and families.

bridesmaids dresses have been ordered, wedding showers have commenced and december 18th cant come soon enough!

back in action, baby

its been too long!

embarrassingly, the one thing that got me back in the blogging game was food. cupcakes, in fact. in my mind it was the perfect first-post-back because cupcakes remind me so much of the big apple. and with halloween right around the corner i couldn't help but show you guys these cuties!

all of these are from the Cupcake Cafe in new york! yummy yum!

bye bye cornerstone

my last full day in new york, i woke up and went to Cornerstone to say bye to the people i worked with all summer.

here are my summer 2010 saving graces! nur, kyra and grant. fellow interns and incredible friends who i miss so much. i miss nur's sweet spirit and cute little jokes. when i got sick one my last weeks she went on her lunch break and bought me some cough drops :) i miss kyra TONS. she'll just have to get an entire post dedicated to her. and grant, phew. i miss our sarcastic banter.

how incredible to go to a city completely alone for a summer and be blessed with such amazing friends.

ellis island

its really strange sitting in my new house and writing about an experience that happened in a different state, but ellis island was one of my favorite things i did all summer so i have to tell you!

my favorite exhibit at ellis island was called "silent voices". it featured pictures of ellis island before it was restored -- how it was found after being closed in 1954. ive always loved museums but always wonder what it was "really like". this exhibit showed me just that!

what an amazing place!

back from the dead

after about two weeks, i'm finally back from the dead and all (or mostly) settled into my new house! sorority work week is under way and come monday freshman will be walking through the chi-o house doors and we'll be singing, clapping, and chatting our hearts out!

its been a whirlwind since my return back from the big city. not only did i just right into moving in, settling in the new house and sorority stuff...but i realized about two days after being back how much it was going to take for me to really "come back" from my incredible summer.

there is nothing -- and i mean nothing -- in college station that reminds me of new york. and while i still think about it almost every minute of every day, its a little sad not walking as much any more, taking the subway, or seeing so many people in one day. the quietness is nice but theres not much people watching here in college station. i miss my fellow interns, bosses and room mates so much. talking 24-7 with them doesnt seem like enough. i have never been so thankful for a summer in my whole life.

back in texas

i know i have a lot to update you on: ellis island, beach trip, last night in the big city, etc. but, please admire the large pile of junk that is staring at me in the face right now.

i am currently sitting in my new house back in college station. im living in a old duplex that has been redone and am sharing the third floor with my besty and the entire house with 7 (yes, seven) of my best friends. what a senior year, eh?

so please know that im moving slowly, but i will surely be updating you all on my last days spent in the empire state. a summer ill never forget!

whole foods

why we dont have one in college station still baffles me. not really, i just want one super bad. i know we have them in texas but having two within walking distance from work and two from my apartment is definitely going to impact my lunch.

their salad bar gets me every time. i mean where else can you chomp into a bite of grapes, tomatoes, salmon, pasta, capers, balsamic vinegar, chicken and onion and have it be the tastiest medley your mouth has ever known?

ill miss eating it with kyra on lunch breaks and with tyler overlooking union square.

statue of liberty

this morning i woke up early and ventured down to Battery Park, bought a ticket for the statue of liberty/ellis island and hopped on a ferry! that made it sounds extremely fast and painless, which it was, but when matt and i went down earlier this summer after 11 am the wait was 3 hours long. i felt bad that he wouldnt get to go but stashed that travel secret in the back of my mind and intended on taking full advantage of it before i headed back to texas.

can i just say that i was giddy, GIDDY, with excitement. just like when i see broadways, museums and anything to do with the U.S. of A can make me super emotional. i may or may not have teared up when i saw this sign.

kyra, if youre reading this...i know youre laughing.

so i get on the ferry, secure a spot on the top deck for some prime picture taking, and pass the time trying to figure out what the asian family next to me is talking about. i just dont understand any part of their language whatsoever.

little did i know the boat would be rocking left and right. for a minute i thought i was going to lose it. but then i remembered the wholesome $.75 bagel i had on my way to the subway and my stomach settled accordingly. all i could think about was passing out by myself on the ferry, everybody crowding around me and yelling "who is with this girl? is she ALONE?"...yes, sir and madam, yes i am.

well, there she is! i would post all the pictures i took but its basically just Lady Liberty and all of her flattering angles. let me just say that thing is HUGE. i never really understood how big it was until i was right under it. i would have loved to walk up into the crown, but those tickets were sold out. so much for planning ahead, hill.

here's a pretty sweet shot of manhattan as we turned the corner towards ellis island. i opted not to get off the ferry at the statue since my camera was full enough of the green lady and all her angles. plus, i didnt feel like walking in the steamy morning heat. so i parked it on the first level with a family of sweedes and waited until everybody unloaded. a park ranger came up to me and said "uh, youre going to ellis island?" "yes, sir." i said. either he was upset that i wasnt showing my patriotic duty by standing on lady liberty's foot stool, or he thought i was a complete loser for traveling alone. whatever!

off to ellis island we were! here's our ferry.

appropriately named, aint she?

central park

after i went to the Met on Tuesday, i went to central park for my last visit. what a place! i wish we had something like it back at school. but the park in the sketchy neighborhood where we feed the ducks will have to do!

i love, love watching the little kids do the sailboats. its reminds me of stuart little!

walking

what do you get when you only have two subway rides left on your metro card, $13 on your debit card, and a measly two days left to soak up all you can about this beloved city? you walk!

being the huge closet nerd that i am and loving to document really ridiculous things, i mapped out where i walked yesterday. "G" is my apartment, and i went around that misshapen circle (all 4.6 miles of it) yesterday afternoon. i stopped and shopped in few places, sat in a park or two, picked up a gift, and mostly just took it all in!

corny, i know, but worth it.